Lost in translation

D3 was my friend. Daniel Wilcox the 3rd, I believe was his legal name, but everyone just called him D3. When I was a kid, his dad and mine were friends, which set an excellent foundation for our own friendship. His Dad was a missionary in Papua New Guinea. I loved when they would come to visit while home on furlough, and sometimes we would see each other at various church camps. I vividly remember him telling me stories of swinging on vines and dropping into swimming holes. I remember him complaining that bananas "state-side" didn't taste right; they tasted much better picked ripe and fresh, right off a tree. In his stories I could see the verdant green of the jungle, taste the sticky humidity, and feel the wonder and excitement of it all. It seemed a dream come true for a boy: Endless adventure! Ever since, missionaries have always fascinated me.

This morning while getting ready for my decidedly non-adventurous desk job, I was listening to the radio. They were talking with a missionary bush pilot which, of course, piqued my attention. He worked with Wycliff Bible Translators, the same organization D3's dad had worked with, which piqued my attention even more. As I listened to the pilot describe the perils, challenges and joys of being a missionary bush pilot, I remembered my boyhood fantasy (ambition?) to become a missionary so I too could go live in the jungle, swing on vines, talk with aborigines and have grand adventures.

The pilot was talking about the need for bible translation when a stunning idea popped into my brain and stuck: "We are all called to be Bible translators." Cliche at first blush perhaps, but as I unpacked the idea, I realized we are all responsible for studying the Word of God & expressing that in our life. Our lives are to be an accurate translation of God's Word into a language the world can understand: actions.

St Francis of Assisi is credited as saying "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words." And it is perhaps more true today than ever that actions speak louder than words. Our world is full of noisy talking heads all clamoring for our attention: TV, radio, blogs, facebook, twitter, youtube; everyone is talking, but it is the lone soul who acts that seizes our attention. Lewis Cass said "People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do."

Whether you plan to go to Papua New Guinea, or just around the corner, remember: Speaking the truth is important, but if your actions don't support your words, no one will care what you have to say. As Grey Livingston said "Ironically, making a statement with words is the least effective method." So live the Gospel. Demonstrate it with your life, translate the Bible into your actions. How? While the specific details will vary with each situation, Jesus gave us the foundation:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind" and "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Remember, "Your life may be the only Bible some people will ever read."
How's your translation?

Where's my Happy Ending?

We love happy endings. Ask anyone to summarize a fairy tale, and you will typically get a one or two sentence summary of the problem, then they spend the rest of the time telling you about it's resolution.

Cinderella "She had a mean step-mother and step-sisters who treated her horribly and made her do all the work. Then a ball was announced to find a bride for the prince..."
Rapunzel "An evil witch locked her in a tall tower with no door. But her hair grew long..."
Beauty and the Beast "There was a terrible beast who lived in a castle in the woods, and Belle had to go live in the castle with him. At first she only saw his beastly exterior, but over time..."

We all want to jump to the happy ending. We skip past the years of toil and captivity, and "get to the good stuff." We want to see the maiden rescued, evil defeated, and true love win out. We long for resolution to every problem presented in the story, with each loose end tied off in a neat little bow. We want everything to work out. And as soon as it does, we want to forget about the painful years it took to get from there, to here; The Beast only a distant memory; The tower left to crumble in ruin; The step-sisters merely footnotes.

But that is not real life! Its not clean and tidy. Real life is dirty. Real life has loose ends and unresolved issues that continually pop up, and it rarely comes with "neat little bows". Most importantly, real life takes time. Our modern-day story-tellers move so quickly to the "happy ending" that our expectations have become unrealistic. We watch as painful situations are completely resolved within a 1 hour TV program; Relationships are restored, wrongs are forgiven and hurts are healed. A major problem may take 2 episodes to fix!

This "pain-free, quick-fix" mentality has even caused the modification of the Gospel message. We talk about Jesus' love, salvation and grace, but barely mention the agony he endured in the Garden of Gethsemane, nor the true torturous nature of his crucifixion. We gloss over the 3 days of intense sorrow, fear, confusion and lost-ness that Jesus' followers lived through, and move straight to his resurrection. I understand why, but this has blinded us to an important truth; Pain is normal.

As stated by the Man in Black in the movie The Princess Bride: "Life is pain, highness!" While that may be hyperbole, its not far from the truth! But we no longer see pain as a normal part of life! We try to eradicate and medicate pain in any form. We have a pill for every ill, but pain still remains. The fact that pain is the norm should not be a cause for despair, however. It should be a comfort! We're not alone! Everyone experiences pain, even Jesus! And because of that, He understands! He can intimately relate to your pain, sorrow, loneliness, the feeling of abandonment. He's been there. He gets it.

Although I wish He would, God never promises to prevent pain. A friend of mine says "He is not the Great Preventer, He is the Great Redeemer." God promises to redeem pain. He will bring good out of it! There will be a happy ending, evil will be defeated, the rescue will occur, and His true love will win. But God rarely uses "quick fixes," and though I wish it wasn't, pain is often the tool He uses to move us.

In times of pain, remember: Rome wasn't built in a day, and the Sistine Chapel wasn't painted overnight. The happiest of endings is coming! But it takes time to craft a masterpiece.

Quality & Content

Tim Sanders ruined my blog post.

I had a post planned and the rough draft written. All I needed to do was to add some citations, make sure the thoughts flowed well, and the layout was clean. Then Tim Sanders happened. More specifically, Tim Sanders posted to his blog. He wrote about how some bloggers will sacrifice quality in order to meet a self-imposed, artificial deadline. That post could not have come at a more perfect moment. 


I set a goal for myself when I started this project to update every Wednesday. Why Wednesday? Because it works with my schedule; Write the post over the weekend, review it Tuesday evening, and it goes live on Wednesday. Why a deadline on a personal blog? That comes back to the purpose of the blog, as outlined in my first post; I want to think through things, and get my thoughts out where I can wrestle and deal with them. That is never an easy process, and being a procrastinator by nature doesn't help either. So I set a deadline in order to force myself to sit down and wrestle through something at least once a week. 


So how did Tim Sanders ruin my blog post? Well, somehow I had started to forget the primary reason why I started the blog; My own personal growth. It is a blog, and I know other people can (and some do) read it, and I genuinely hope that it helps and edifies those who do. But somehow I got bit by the blogging bug in just the few short weeks have been doing this. I began to think less about "What things do I need to think & wrestle through" and more about "What can I write about this week?" But this blog was created for personal reflection. And I genuinely believe that the people who read my blog are drawn to it not because they can count on a Wednesday update, but because I am open and honest, and fairly transparent as I think and wrestle through different topics. 


The blog post I had written was pretty good, and I may use it or draw from it in the future, but this seemed to be more important to me. Somehow I lost focus on my true intent, and I need to maintain that, or I will lose the reason why I created and have loved writing this blog in the first place. So I promise to do my best to have a post every Wednesday, but  I also promise to never post a lackluster blog just for the sake of making an update. I value my time, and yours too much to waste it on a mediocre effort. I will never sacrifice quality for the sake of content. 


...And then God kicked me in the gut. Anyone who knows me, knows I tend to talk....a lot.  I come by it naturally. Both sides of the family can talk for hours on end, and my dad is a preacher. We're a family of talkers. So much so that silence is awkward for me. It seems like empty space, which can filled! And since I am never short of something to say, I start talking. But are my words beneficial, helpful, edifying? Or is it just noise? In truth, I should let that awkward silence hang in the air. It is awkward, and the longer the silence, the more someone will want to say something! Awkward silence will leave space for my quieter friends to have an opportunity to speak. This will help me get to know them better, instead of them always getting to know more about me. And when I do speak, I need to make sure my words are worthwhile to listen to.


Plato said "Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something." And the Bible says "...many words mark the speech of a fool."  So bottom line, I need to speak less, say more.

Like I said; Tim Sanders ruined my blog post. But he may have saved my entire blog, and so much more!

Campfire Magic, Pain & Providence

Campfires are magical; the smell, the crackling wood, the warm, glowing light, the mesmerizing dance of the flames, the rush of sparks flying up into the night sky to join the stars... But the deepest magic is the way they stir the soul. Somehow, gathered around a campfire, our hearts are opened; memories flow freely, moments gain significance and emotions infuse everything with meaning. Within the glow of the fire's light, we feel a kindred spirit, we feel safe... and we begin to share.

I spent such an evening around a campfire this past weekend with people whom I have known, but have never gotten to know. Previously, our conversations had rarely gone beyond simple pleasantries. But in the magic of the firelight, after everyone else had retreated to their tents, the four of us began to speak of things deeper. The conversation had meandered through many topics when a question was raised; If you were offered the chance to go back in time, and re-do your life to avoid your most painful mistakes, would you take it?

True, the question is not novel, we've all heard it before, but it is just as weighty as it is cliche. We all have things we wished we'd done differently. I have often shared the sentiments of a web-comic character who said "I wish life had multiple save points like [video]games do. It'd be easier to go back and fix major screwups." It is an intriguing proposition; Would we, if we could?

A deeper question however is "Who would I be if I did?" Who I am as a person has been greatly shaped by what I have come through. Some of the most profound lessons I have learned have come directly from some of my most painful experiences. Without the pain, I may never have learned those lessons.

And pain has done more than just teach lessons; Trusted friendships have deepened and "fair-weather friends" have shown their true colors; I began meeting my parents for lunch regularly, which I still do at least once a week; I began actively seeking wise counselors for my life instead of stumbling along alone; I dug deep and found myself; and I learned how to be honest with God. Without the pain I would not be the person I am today.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

Though many times I have put myself into painful situations, God has clearly used the pain to my benefit. His plan, in action, doesn't allow one tear to go to waste. He protects me from disaster, and has given me a future, and hope.

So, no, I would not go back to change the past. God is telling a story with my life, and like a tapestry, the black threads are just as important as the gold. I am still learning to trust that He has a plan, and His plan is good. And when I do question His plan (as I inevitably do), I try to remind myself:

"Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?" - Genesis 18:25

Exhausting Expectations

*Sigh...* Perhaps I'm alone in this, but I find this Christian life exhausting. Forgive me the sacrilege, and permit me my honesty. No matter how hard I try, I keep messing up. Change is slow in coming, and I cant seem to "get it right". I feel very much like Paul, wanting to right, but doing wrong instead. In the end I just feel like a miserable failure.

I have echos from my childhood ringing in my mind. The voices of my parents saying "There is no point in doing something if you're not going to do it right!" My paternal grandfather asking "If you don't have time to do it right the first time, how will you ever have time to do it over?" A common theme while growing up, although never so clearly stated, was "'Good enough', isn't." I know there is wisdom in their words. My parents were trying to impress upon me the value and importance of a job well done. In a lot of ways I wish I had learned those lessons better, and could finally conquer my natural penchant for procrastination.

In some ways, however, those childhood lessons can be a double-edged sword. For example, "good enough" is, even if its not perfect, if it truly is your best. This lesson was driven home to me less than a month ago while hiking with my dad. We both had given everything we could, and had pushed ourselves to the point of injury (I'm still treating injured knees and ankles.) Truth be told, we should have stopped a day earlier, but for several reasons, largely just stubborn determination (which sounds better than just plain old stubbornness) we pressed on. That final evening, sitting beside the trail on a hill, watching the sun go down, my dad and I had a real heart-to-heart. He asked me a question I'd never heard him ask before. "Would anyone else, in your circumstances, given your current limitations, be able to honestly say they'd done all they could?" Basically, the question boils down to: "Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard or expectation which you would not demand of others?"

Honestly, I struggled with that question. I don't recall ever looking at any situation that way before. Typically, I just compare my accomplishments against what I think I should have been able to do, which is usually based more upon what I (or others) wanted, and less upon reality. Another measure I use is how well I think my parents, mentor, or someone else would have done. But again, those are somewhat idealized standards, and don't take into account numerous factors such as experience, training and talent.

Likewise, I use these same measures in my spiritual walk. I compare myself to others, or to how I want to be. Logically I know that is not how God measures, but that doesn't seem an adequate explanation to my guilt-ridden heart. I feel that I should have done better, tried harder, demanded more of myself... somehow, in some way, I should have been able to avoid failing again. That failure is then followed by self-loathing, defeatism, a fear that I will never get it right...

A friend of mine asked me a question once. "What does God expect from you?" His answer blew me away: "Failure." Failure?.Really? God expects failure? Yes. He expects failure. He knows that on our best day, we will still fail; That's why he sent Jesus. God doesn't hold me to perfection, or even the standard of what others might set. He only asks for my best. That's it. Just the best that I can offer Him today, in these circumstances, with these limitations. And then, here is the beautiful part, He provides His grace to cover all the places where I fall short.

Whenever I begin to ask myself if I really gave that hike everything, if I possibly could have gone farther, tried harder, if I really left it all on that hillside, my aching knees and ankles remind me that yes, I gave it all.

Likewise when my spiritual walk falls short, I need to remember that Jesus gave it all, and I can leave all my failings on that hillside, at the foot of the cross, and then rest in His grace.

Wilderness Wandering

Lately I've been feeling... stuck. Unable to move forward in my life. In spite of my best efforts, I've been unable to bring about any significant change to my situation. Like I'm caught in some giant holding pattern... just circling...
waiting... 
wandering... 
wondering what I did (or am doing) wrong that has caused God to abandon me to this barren, trackless wasteland...
... Forgotten.


For years I've held the tacit view that the 40 years of wandering in the wilderness by the nation of Israel was God's punishment for their lack of faith to enter the Promised Land. It never ceases to amaze me how your understanding of an event you have known about for years, can suddenly and drastically shift upon the sudden realization of a new perspective which you have not thought of before, a new question that has never before been asked:

The wandering; was it punishment? Or instead, was it discipline?

If you had asked me when I was a child, I would have said "They're the same thing!" But they're NOT! There is a difference! To punish is "to subject to pain, loss, confinement, death, etc., as a penalty for some offense, transgression, or fault." Discipline is "to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct;chastise." Succinctly; punishment is pain, discipline is pain with purpose; aka training.


God was not just lashing out at Israel, venting his frustration, anger, and/or disappointment. God was training them; He had purpose in their pain. In Deuteronomy 8 God explains that their wandering was intended to teach them:

Humility - it would not be by their own strength, but by God's power that they would conquer; Like when God destroyed the Egyptian army, or when His power enabled them to defeat the Amalekites as long as Moses held the staff of God over his head.

Spirituality - man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. They must learn to obey God.

Faith - God will provide. While wandering in the desert for 40 years, God provided bread, meat, water, and even their clothes didn't wear out. 

God was teaching them critically important lessons which they would need as they entered the Promised Land. He was preparing the nation to succeed where they had previously failed!

This is not a story of God's anger, wrath, and punishment, but instead is a display of God's love, in-action, for his people; He keeps His promises, He meets their needs, He forgives their failings, He guides, trains and teaches them to overcome those failings and then leads them into His promised rest. 

Suddenly my "wandering" seems less pointless, and my time less "wasted." 
I have things to learn; Class is in session!

An Opening...

While using my phone's speech-to-text capability to write a note, I said the phrase "I'm not certain my world view will hold up to scrutiny." However, what my phone wrote instead was "I'm not certain my world view will hold up to screw me" which, although crass, more accurately portrays my sentiments. =)

(I love when a simple misunderstanding cuts through the garbage, to the heart of the matter!)

And thus, this blog. I am not writing to a particular audience, and I don't have a specific agenda in mind, other than this: I intend to use this blog as an avenue through which to think "out loud"; to voice my opinions, thoughts, and feelings; to get them out where I can see them, scrutinize them, challenge, wrestle with, adjust, and correct them. This is intended as an exercise for myself, and my own mental health and sanity (which may already be a lost cause!) ;) So please, feel no obligation to continue reading my ramblings and meanderings here. I make no apologies, but I will always accept constructive feedback.


Please, do not look for any deep, theological or philosophical treatises here. Any depth or profundity achieved is the result of wrestling with my thoughts, and quite possibly, purely accidental! ;) 

I ask God to grant me wisdom as I embark on this venture, and ask for His revelation as I wrestle and struggle through my thoughts.