Campfire Magic, Pain & Providence

Campfires are magical; the smell, the crackling wood, the warm, glowing light, the mesmerizing dance of the flames, the rush of sparks flying up into the night sky to join the stars... But the deepest magic is the way they stir the soul. Somehow, gathered around a campfire, our hearts are opened; memories flow freely, moments gain significance and emotions infuse everything with meaning. Within the glow of the fire's light, we feel a kindred spirit, we feel safe... and we begin to share.

I spent such an evening around a campfire this past weekend with people whom I have known, but have never gotten to know. Previously, our conversations had rarely gone beyond simple pleasantries. But in the magic of the firelight, after everyone else had retreated to their tents, the four of us began to speak of things deeper. The conversation had meandered through many topics when a question was raised; If you were offered the chance to go back in time, and re-do your life to avoid your most painful mistakes, would you take it?

True, the question is not novel, we've all heard it before, but it is just as weighty as it is cliche. We all have things we wished we'd done differently. I have often shared the sentiments of a web-comic character who said "I wish life had multiple save points like [video]games do. It'd be easier to go back and fix major screwups." It is an intriguing proposition; Would we, if we could?

A deeper question however is "Who would I be if I did?" Who I am as a person has been greatly shaped by what I have come through. Some of the most profound lessons I have learned have come directly from some of my most painful experiences. Without the pain, I may never have learned those lessons.

And pain has done more than just teach lessons; Trusted friendships have deepened and "fair-weather friends" have shown their true colors; I began meeting my parents for lunch regularly, which I still do at least once a week; I began actively seeking wise counselors for my life instead of stumbling along alone; I dug deep and found myself; and I learned how to be honest with God. Without the pain I would not be the person I am today.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

Though many times I have put myself into painful situations, God has clearly used the pain to my benefit. His plan, in action, doesn't allow one tear to go to waste. He protects me from disaster, and has given me a future, and hope.

So, no, I would not go back to change the past. God is telling a story with my life, and like a tapestry, the black threads are just as important as the gold. I am still learning to trust that He has a plan, and His plan is good. And when I do question His plan (as I inevitably do), I try to remind myself:

"Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?" - Genesis 18:25