But I want it!

We've all seen it; the child running rough shod through the store, with no regard for the other people around. Like a little tornado, leaving behind a path of destruction, and a poor mother desperately trying to catch up. You hear a wailing voice rising from the next aisle over "But I WANT it!" You round the corner just in time to see the child collapse on the floor in a full-blown, meltdown fit.

Do you want to know the truth? I am that child.... regularly! I scream at God "But I WANT IT!" Whether its some shiny new thing, a raise, a relationship, whatever it is, "I WANT IT!" God however, as a good parent, sees the dangers that I do not perceive, and lovingly tells me "No." And I respond with all the maturity, poise, and grace of a 2 year old, crumpling into an emotional heap, kicking and screaming, and believing that God doesn't love me. When someone tries to remind me that "God works all things together for the good of those who love Him" I mentally add "except for me" to the end.

And yet, some of the things I have wanted the most in my life, in hindsight, would have been disastrous. But that disaster and heartache was avoided, because God protected me by telling me "No." Although I usually don't like His methods, and sometimes don't want to hear it, God IS working all things together for my greatest good.

I think the Garth Brooks song said it best: Some of God's greatest gifts, are Unanswered Prayers.

Question: What has God told you "No" to, which you're now thankful for?

An Unexpected Answer

The top of the mountain was shrouded in clouds, yet still we pressed on. The morning had dawned cold and clear. We'd started hiking just as the first grey streaks of dawn began chasing the stars from the sky. A breakfast of hot coffee and cold trail food now fueled our ascent. Watching the sun rising through the trees into a sapphire sky, the day had seemed full of promise.

But now the peak was invisible, hidden behind a dark, wispy, grey veil. We were above the treeline; nothing green grew here. The whistling wind was bitterly cold, turning every bead of sweat into an icy-cold drop. We were climbing on a scree of broken, grey shale, into a sky of swirling grey clouds. Each slippery, unstable step as much a matter of the will, as of the body.

Pausing for a moment, desperately trying to catch my breath, I half thought, half prayed "God, this is hard!"

"Isn't that the point?"

The answer was completely unexpected, disruptive, and ...perfect.

I was going through one of the darkest, most difficult times of my life. Part of why I had decided to climb this mountain was to simply escape from all of that for a while. And standing there, halfway between earth and sky, God lovingly spoke to me, and gave me the key to persevere through both of those storms: The very fact that it is difficult, makes it worthwhile; If it were easy, it wouldn't be an accomplishment. If it didn't require anything of me, I wouldn't value it. If it didn't challenge me, I would never grow. If it didn't take me to the utter end of my own ability, I would never reach out to God for the strength to carry on.

In the very place I had ran to escape from my problems, God met me with the answer. Far above the treeline, He brought growth. While standing on a mountain, God gave me the key to survive the valley.
The day was full of promise after all.

"I will never leave you, nor forsake you"  - Hebrews 13:5

Question: Where has God met you unexpectedly? What difficulties has he brought you through?

The Content Monster

Silence is not golden. I hate silence.

I used to hate silence because it made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't like my thoughts when left alone with them, and they didn't like me either. I couldn't handle the introspection that inevitably accompanied silence, so I had to keep some kind of noise going to keep my mind occupied. (Pro-Tip, if this describes you, then it is definitely time for a look "under the hood," in spite how uncomfortable it may be.)

Now I hate silence because if feels like wasted time. I like to feed my mind things that I feel will help me grow as a person. I love podcasts. And blogs. And Twitter. I follow some amazing people, and I love the perspectives they bring, and the questions they ask. I love books too, but I don't feel I have time enough to read a long blog post, let alone an entire book. I literally have 42 books on my "To Read" list, and a few more that I own but haven't gotten around to reading.

In my quest for content, I'm always in a rush. I skim the blogs I follow, looking for nuggets of wisdom I can glean. I do the same with my twitter feed. I skip over the intro on podcasts. I want to get to the "good stuff" as fast as I can, so I can absorb it, and then move on to the next source. I've found so many terrific sources of "good stuff" that I have a hard time keeping up. And maybe it's a bit OCD of me, but I often feel obligated to keep up; that if I don't, I might miss some vital insight.

This pattern has resulted in a nearly constant stream of input going into my brain, with little or no time to analyze or mull over the concepts I am hearing. Its as if I'm drinking from a firehose, and have no time to swallow. I've not been allowing my brain any down time.

I realized however, that this is not only unwise, but it is fundamentally faithless. While there is nothing wrong with pursuing wisdom and understanding (in fact the Bible commends those pursuits), I don't need to be worried about rushing to consume all the wisdom and insight I can get my hands on, so I don't miss any "vital insight." If something is "vital" then I can count on God (who promises He will supply all of my needs) to make sure I have it when I need it. Yet, while I know His timing is always perfect, I still struggle with this.

Additionally, if there is no break in the "input", no mental down time, no .... silence.... then I am leaving no space in which to think about what I'm hearing, and make sure it is truth.

Lastly, with no silence, I'm leaving no room for God to speak; no opportunity for me to hear the Lord's "still, small voice" leading me, guiding me.

I love my phone because it brings all of this content, all of this information to me in one convenient portable little package. But I'm learning that, periodically, I need to simply turn off this little Content Monster, and be still before the Lord. I need to give Him a chance to speak, and then do the hardest thing of all... listen. 

I may hate doing it, and it takes time, but soon His voice does come, amid the sounds of silence.

Question:
Do you keep yourself constantly busy? What keeps you from setting aside time to think, and "be still" before the Lord?

This pain feels real

Unloved, unwanted, undesired. Worthless, useless, disposable. Passing through, unimportant, making no impact. A specter, a shadow, a ghost; unnoticed until I make noise, then bidden "be silent & begone!" All alone, like some unwanted stray, whimpering in the cold, rainy night.

This is how I feel sometimes.

I want to know I am loved, valued, appreciated, important, respected, noticed. I want to know that my life makes a difference! That I matter. At least that I matter to someone, even if it's just one person.

I don't share this to seek sympathy, or pity. I'm not asking anyone to treat me differently, nor am I upset at, nor attacking anyone for interactions we may have had in the past. I share this to be transparent, and to process this, because I think a lot of other people may feel the same way.

At the risk of being cliche, I've had to realize "It's not you, its me." I've had to realize that the way I feel has more to do with me, than it does with reality. I was very down at one point, and a good friend of mine commented "He's a musician, he'll be okay." What he meant was, as an artistic individual, my emotional spectrum swings wide, and I feel things very strongly. Few emotions are minor for me, most are felt intensely, and savored for their full flavor, whether bitter or sweet. But I must remember that my perception, does not define reality.

My friends care about me. I know they do, because of how they treat me. We joke around, and poke good-natured fun at each other, but when it really matters, they care. They are there for me. They've got my back. I've not always been so blessed. I've not always had the kind of wonderful friends I have now, and I've never had them in such abundance.

But because loneliness is a sore spot from my past, that is where the devil pokes me. Like a wound that's scabbed over, or an old knee injury, it doesn't take much; just a little pressure, and I'm aboard the train to Depressed Land, where life is gloomy, and the roses are blooming black.

But truth doesn't ride that train. Truth, reality, is often vastly different from how I feel.

The same is true of my relationship with God. At times I don't feel loved, but I am. I don't feel valued, but Jesus paid the ultimate price for me. I don't feel cared-for, but the God of the universe promised he is working all things together for my highest good.

To be honest, these feelings come and go. Sometimes they last a moment, sometimes longer. There are a number of factors that come into play, but the bottom line is, I want to live in the light of truth. I want to live in what's real.

Ripples and Waves

In my last post, I wrote about success. I was pondering how some achieve and maintain it. Then Steve Jobs passed away. This is sad event put many things in perspective. I debated about re-writing the entire post, but decided to post it, as written, and write a follow up.

By all accounts, Steve Jobs was a success; wealthy, influential, respected & beloved by millions. He was a visionary who literally changed the world.

But he was not always a success. He dropped out of, and never graduated from college. For a time he was sleeping on the floor in friends' dorm rooms. And even after 10 years of success at Apple, he was fired from the company he helped create. A lot of people would call that a failure. But that "failure" led him to start two new companies, which also became successful. As he himself said, looking forward, he couldn't see how the dots would connect that would lead him to such success. It was only in hindsight that he could see how all the dots connected.

The accomplishments of Steve's life changed the world. But his passing was merely a significant blip on our collective radar; a trending topic on twitter and facebook feeds for about 36 hours (which is an eternity in this day!) and the obligatory comments by news media, coupled with the pre-canned obituaries. His passing was noticed, and felt, and then gone.

But the ripples of his life will continue long after his passing.

I think true success is to achieve something of positive significance; Some good which outlasts yourself. It doesn't mean you have to change the entire world, or even a large chunk of it. But I feel you should endeavor to leave at least your own corner of the world a better place than how you found it.

What does that mean for you? What will it look like? That is for you to discover! As Frederick Buechner said "The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness, and the world's deep hunger meet". And on that road, it is important to remember that minor, and even major setbacks, are not necessarily the end of the dream. Thomas Edison said "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" and "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

For me, helping people, meaningful relationships, learning, teaching, recognition & respect, and financial gain make me feel successful. It is probably different for you, so ask yourself "At the end of the day, what makes me feel like my time & effort was worthwhile? What gave me 'deep gladness'?"

Some day, the ripples of my life are all that will remain; the echos of my existence. But for now, while I'm still here, while I can still have direct impact, and can still shape the good I leave behind, its time to take action!
Let's make some waves! 

Success?

Is there some magic pill I've never heard of?
Or perhaps a time machine or remote control like in the movie Click that I'm missing out on? You'd tell me, right?

Seriously, how is it that some people are able to do so much with their lives? Experience so much? Have so much success? It's as if some people are able to inhale oxygen and exhale pure awesome. King Midas had it. No, not the muffler guy, the one from Greek mythology. Go read about it.

I'm not talking about the meteoric rise and fall of the latest youtube clip or internet meme. I'm talking about people who seem to warp the laws of space-time and maintain "meteoric" levels of success over a lifetime. Lasting, sustainable success. People such as Joss Whedon, Tony Dungy, Mark Driscoll, Reed Hastings, Shay Carl, Phillip DeFranco, Dave Ramsey, Tim Sanders, Zig Ziglar, Mark Zuckerberg.... the list goes on and on. Love 'em or hate 'em, their success speaks for itself!

So how do they do it? What is their personal Rumplestiltskin that enables them to spin gold where others see only straw? Seriously, I want to know! Gold may be cold and hard, but straw is itchy to sleep on! (and gold can buy a nicer bed!)

I've been reading their books, following them on twitter, and stalking them across the internet landscape like a Japanese fanboy, trying to discover their secret. While I have yet to discern the location of the mystical fountain from whence they drink, I have noticed some themes. Ramsey always emphasizes excellence, and the power of focused intensity. Jon Acuff talks about "hustle". Shay Carl teaches his kids "Remember, work will work when nothing else will work." Going back a few years, Winston Churchill said "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat."

Unfortunately, it seems success doesn't come in a convenient pill, or even a smoothie. (I know, I've looked). There's not "3 Easy Steps", and nothing seems to be guaranteed. Success appears to largely be the result of that 4 letter word "work"; Especially when coupled with that other 4 letter word "hard". With apologies to Staples, there is no "easy" button. And while Lady Luck certainly also seems to play her role, Thomas Jefferson said "I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more of it I have."

Often success feels so far away that it's hard not to get discouraged before you even begin. When considering these giants, I sometimes feel as if I'm looking up at Mt. Everest, thinking "How am I ever supposed to get all the way up there?? It's so far away, and I'm no Sir Edmund Hillary!" Zig Ziglar says "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." So get started! Today!!!

And when you feel overwhelmed and inadequate, stop to pray, and then take Teddy Roosevelt's advice:

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." and "Believe you can and you're halfway there."

At home on the Yellow Brick Road

"There's no place like ______."
"Follow the ______ Brick Road."

We all know the movie and it's memorable characters, delightful songs ("If I only had a brain"), and fantastic world. It's a wonderful children's story, and like so many stories, it also contains deeper meanings, morals, & lessons which we hope will be carried throughout their lives.

I was wondering the other day, how often do we live like these characters in our daily lives? Instead of learning from them, we find ourselves mimicking their faults and failings! How often do we lack courage? Or compassion, love & heart? How often do we bury our heads in the proverbial sand, refusing to use our brains to think clearly & rationally about difficult topics? How often do we feel lost, alone, and long for a place to call home, a place to belong?

Unfortunately, in real life, there are no Ruby Slippers, no Wonderful Wizard, and no Good Witch of the North. There are no easy answers to the difficult and troubling questions. Life can be so confusing & strange; unexpected events occur and dangers seem to come with startling frequency. The Yellow Brick Road of life offers no promise of safety, in fact quite the opposite. But what is there to do? There is no other path available to us? Like it or not, all we can do is take each day as it comes and "follow the Yellow Brick Road."

And yet, the journey is made it so much more bearable -even enjoyable- and certainly more memorable, by companionship; sharing the journey with fellow travelers. Each traveler is seeking something different from the journey. Each has different vulnerabilities which they must help one another overcome, (dousing the flames on Scarecrow, oiling Tin Man to keep him from rusting). And this is true in our own lives as well. We try so hard to be independent, (as American's we are trained to be) when what the journey truly requires is inter-dependence. King David of ancient Israel had the Mighty Men, Jesus had the 12 apostles. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. We cannot make it alone!

At the end of their journey, (spoiler alert!) it was revealed that the very things they thought they lacked, the things they had been seeking, they had actually possessed all along. It took the dangers, the trials, and the difficulties of the journey to reveal their hidden attributes. How often do we fail to see our own gifts and strengths because we have convinced ourselves of our own weakness and inadequacy? And I know I for one dislike & fear the events in life which force me to stretch beyond my comfort zone. Often, however, that stretching is what was required to reveal capacity I never knew I had before.

Even Dorothy, who longed to be home, possessed the ability throughout the journey. I'm not talking about the Ruby Slippers. While yes, they would transport her back to Kansas, is that truly home? Is home a place? A house? An address with a familiar structure? If you have ever returned to the house you grew up in, years after your family has moved away, you know the answer; that place is no longer home, because the people who made that house a home are no longer there. The people you call family make it home. In Dorothy's case, her companions were caricatures of her biological family. But at times I have lived far away from any biological family, and my "family" were the people I was living life with; my fellow companions for that portion of the Yellow Brick Road. I currently have friends that are as close as brothers to me, whom, without hesitation, I consider to be family. So it seems to me, that no matter where you are along the Yellow Brick Road of life, if you are surrounded by your family, then even in the midst of the journey, you can always be home. 

And as we all know:

"There's no place like home!"